Has something changed in me?
Translated with ChatGPTNow I've been home for a week. I've had a chance to distance myself from the experiences and look at them from various angles. For the most part, they've been good, fun, and enriching experiences. I'm proud of myself and incredibly happy that I took the plunge and accepted the challenge. I did give up many times during the journey, but never enough to actually give up completely. It was more my typical exaggeration. Kind of like when your mom walks into your teenage room and says, "It looks like a bombed-out brothel in here!" As if she's frequented bombed-out brothels enough to compare your room to one. I wanted to give up and take the easy way out because there were times when I found it impossible to cope. I was intensely afraid. I had lost all my routines, and I had very few familiar things around me. I like routines and my things. I need them to go through my days without resistance. Now there was resistance around every corner! For example, they don't use duvet covers in the USA. They use two sheets, one on top and one underneath a duvet-like thing. That's perfectly fine when it's yours and you know how often the duvet thing is washed. In a hotel, I have no control over it. So you have to play the "don't touch the blanket" game while trying to sleep. Dairy products are also not quite the same. Yogurt lasts forever and is super sweet. So, for an enthusiastic yogurt eater and Biola drinker like me, that was an adjustment too. I received good help from my mom and Belinda, but it's not the same. And just sitting in the chair at home and watching TV in the evening. It's surprisingly safe and good! Going to the fridge and finding something to drink. Or even better, a glass of cold water straight from the tap! It's funny what you miss.
In the midst of all my complaining, I remembered something my family doctor, Dr Fischer, said to me when I visited him before I left. There was a flood everywhere at that time, and many people had lost their homes and belongings. We talked about my thoughts and stress about having to manage without my routines (like my mouthwash), etc. As wise as he is, he said something like, "I understand that this is stressful for you, but think about those who have nothing. Those who don't know when they can go back to their homes. Or if they have a home to go back to." It gave me some perspective on the whole thing. I chose this. They didn't. I have the right to be stressed, but I shouldn't complain too much. I'm the kind of person who often uses dramatic descriptions and exaggerates when explaining something. I "die" frequently, for example, and I laugh a lot at something funny. It's not meant literally, but you probably understand that. So, I can be misunderstood sometimes.
I understand that what I've done wasn't dangerous and not forced upon me, but my experience of it was still sometimes stressful and burdensome. Fortunately, it was something I chose to do. I'm eternally grateful that I've never experienced anything as terrible as losing everything I have. I hope I never experience it either. And those of you who have experienced it: you're amazing!! You accepted the challenge that was thrown at you and stood your ground! That shows strength!! My intention is not to compare the two things because they are different in many ways. I chose my challenge, so that's why it's different. But even though I chose it, it was challenging for me. So, I choose to see it as a great victory that I accepted the challenge and stood my ground. Cause that's what I've done.
I stand stronger and more confident than ever! I have a straighter back and a prouder posture. Just don't ask my chiropractor, Svein Kyrre. He said I've started to develop a hunchback from spending too much time in my safety shell. I agree that I often closed my body in a protective posture around myself. But it's something I'm more aware of now. The first month probably involved a lot of that. But now I'm much tougher! I've found that I work well as long as I take my time every now and then. I've also realized that people often let me take that time. Everything doesn't have to happen quickly. I actually learned that from the Valet guy in Chicago, and it's gradually sinking in more. I think it's maybe common to sometimes need to think about a question before answering it. It's not unusual or foolish. So when I realized that, I mastered something new. I can now order my own food at a restaurant. And I can answer all the weird things Americans say when you're paying at the checkout, for example. In Norway, there are two things the cashier says. "Bag?" and "Receipt?" There, they can throw in questions about how your day is, where you bought your nice sweater, ask if you like Mexican food because if you do, they have a recommendation ready. There's so much to deal with that I hated going to a cashier in the beginning. Towards the end, I answered and chatted a bit. (A little, not much. I'm still as Norwegian as ever!) At restaurants, I asked about things and answered all questions. By the way, it probably makes sense to emphasize that it's not the language that's difficult for me. I've spoken English for as long as I've spoken Norwegian, so the language didn't prevent me from chatting. It was taking things on the spot. Not having a plan for everything I was going to say. It was impossible since Americans are as unpredictable as the weather in Norway when it comes to comments. It was a perfect opportunity to get better at daring to respond and not overthinking their reactions.
So, yes, I feel that I've changed. I'm not as dependent on others' approval. That means I believe in myself enough not to need to see or hear from others that they think I'm dressed cool or good at something. I see it more in myself. Not always, and not enough to not appreciate hearing it. Compliments are always appreciated by me, at least. 😇 But I'm doing things for myself now. Because through these experiences, I've seen that people can handle me demanding a little. A little time to think of the right answer. A little help to understand what everything on the menu means. A little support when I'm tired. So I'm going to try to ask for a little and accept a little. Because I'm worth it. I'm also tough enough, most of the time, to speak up. If there's something I need or something I disagree with. Even if it's something I think others won't like. I'm probably not done learning in this regard. And I'll probably have periods where it's difficult again, but I've come a long way!
I believe that the part we've been through now has taught me some new things about myself and shown me things about myself that I thought were gone. I've found confidence and self-assurance in myself. I've also become prouder of myself and what I can do. So I plan to continue with that. For I've found that I wear confidence quite well, actually! So, for the next few months, I'll mainly be in Geilo, living a life without fixed working hours. And without the people I usually rely on when things get tough. Morten is there! I need him 🧡 But I'll work on using my own strength. And I'll continue filling my backpack with good experiences. Because if there's something I'd like to carry, it's that.
The journey through the USA has been incredibly rewarding, strengthening, challenging, exciting, constructive, and, at times, terrifying. So now, it's time to begin the next stage of this unconventional year. New challenges! Here I come!!
By the way, this Sunday is one of those "watch a movie under a blanket while eating snacks" kind of Sundays! Enjoy 😃